Seeing Through Each Other’s Eyes: How Understanding the Other Sex Can Help You Heal

1. From Resentment to Appreciation
Many detransitioned women say that learning why men and women behave differently turned anger into compassion. One woman, largemargo, explains that once she read about evolutionary psychology—“women need friends with a higher degree of trust, like ‘who’s gonna take care of the kids in an emergency’”—she stopped blaming women for being “stand-offish” and began to admire the strengths of both styles of friendship. “Understanding it can allow you to appreciate the strengths of each approach and resent the differences less.” source [citation:bcc627c7-8bc4-4d7f-a762-234567a1d93d]

2. The Protective Wall Women Build
Women who have lived as men often return with a new understanding of why women keep their guard up. ajf2077 says that when she passed as male she felt the sting of women crossing the street or clutching their bags, but “I knew where it was coming from, so I gave women their space and didn’t take it personally.” source [citation:06896713-72f0-4af3-8aee-866350c70c12] Recognizing that this caution is about safety—not personal rejection—can soften the hurt and replace it with empathy.

3. Shared Female Struggles: Dysphoria, Eating Disorders, and Abuse
Detrans women often discover their story is not unique; it mirrors the body-shame and trauma many women carry. feed_me_see_more writes, “Our experience as detrans women is actually VERY similar to other women’s experiences with body issues, eating disorders, drug abuse. We all were looking for a physical escape for emotional and mental issues.” source [citation:6797c253-12dc-472f-814b-acad60b2dcfd] Seeing the common thread helps women trade isolation for solidarity and use the same therapy, support groups, and self-kindness that aid recovery from eating disorders.

4. Men’s Hidden Pain and the Silence Rule
Living as a woman also lets former trans men see how society silences male suffering. Plutonicuss recalls, “As a dude I tried to talk about personal things with guy friends and they just clam up.” source [citation:472b6c6e-2705-4afb-8bab-61310819aa87] Understanding that many men long for closeness but fear shame can turn frustration into gentle curiosity and open new kinds of friendships.

5. Universal Imperfect Communication
Finally, detransitioners learn that misunderstandings are part of being human, not proof that one sex is “broken.” quendergestion says, “It helped me start seeing misunderstandings with men as just ‘part of the human condition we’re all doing our best to live with’ rather than something that’s a fault located specifically and exclusively in one or the other of us.” source [citation:d03e5d3a-7c99-4a2f-b2b4-e64607fb7aa6]

A Gentle Closing
Healing begins when we stop treating gender differences as personal attacks and start seeing them as shared human challenges. By listening to the other side’s story—whether it is women’s need for safety or men’s need for emotional space—we replace resentment with understanding and isolation with connection. The path forward is not medical change but deeper empathy, honest conversation, and the steady work of tending to our own and each other’s wounds.