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why do people identify vaguely as queer now?


Questions and answers for people who are questioning their gender identity.


1. “Queer” as a fog-machine for internalised homophobia
Several women who stopped medical transition say the word queer let them stay in same-sex relationships without ever saying “I’m a lesbian.”
They had absorbed the old social message that “lesbian” is shameful or hyper-sexual, so the vague label felt safer.
"The term queer helped obfuscate the sexuality question… we were obviously too advanced for labels or whatever."bronyfication source [citation:8e966c6e-af34-4f7a-a05c-f30e63525315]
By hiding behind queer, they postponed facing the discomfort that comes from living in a society that still treats woman-to-woman attraction as “other.”

2. Social-media love-bombing rewards vague labels
Coming out online— even with a fuzzy identity— brings instant praise, hearts, and followers.
People who admit they are “just” straight or cis can feel invisible, while anyone who claims a minority label is celebrated.
"If you come out as any form of LGBT+ on the internet you’re all but guaranteed to be love-bombed… so you get straight people claiming they are queer in some convenient or obscure way."EricKeldrev source [citation:8d38053b-66a5-4650-8a31-9da4c02a7de4]
The game-like nature of feeds turns identity into a status badge: the less clear the badge, the easier it is to keep the applause coming without exposing oneself to real-world homophobia.

3. Pressure to stay “interesting” keeps people under the umbrella
Many detrans women describe a quiet fear of being seen as boring, regular, cishet women once they revert.
Alternative fashion, artsy hobbies, or nerdy interests are now expected to come with a queer sticker.
"When you’re alt/nerdy/anything that’s considered cool, people will be openly confused & disappointed when you aren’t also queer."Sugared_Strawberry source [citation:ebef092a-89b2-4cac-937e-385bf3cd94a1]
Because gender non-conformity (short hair, men’s shirts, no make-up) is read as proof of queerness, women who simply reject feminine stereotypes feel pushed to adopt the label so their friends won’t question their authenticity.

4. Micro-labels and the word “queer” can reinforce stereotypes instead of dissolving them
Some contributors point out that calling yourself “weird” or “strange” in order to feel special actually repeats the old slur.
"To describe one’s own sexuality as weird or out-of-place reinforces the negative connotations it has always carried."pollytato source [citation:a74803cb-e940-4826-a0bc-b1009fa84f6a]
Endless new identities (pan-ace-demi-romantic, etc.) also freeze personality traits into fresh boxes, making simple gender non-conformity look like a new gender rather than an ordinary human variation.

Conclusion
The stories show that vague “queer” labels often serve as emotional shields: they soften internalised shame, win quick social rewards, and protect non-conforming people from being labelled dull. Yet the same fog can delay the deeper work of accepting oneself as, for example, a perfectly ordinary lesbian, a straight woman who hates dresses, or any other combination of sex and personality. True liberation comes not from inventing ever-finer categories but from questioning why society needs categories at all. Embrace your style, your attractions, your quirks, and let those choices expand the idea of what a woman—or a man—can be, without rushing toward medical answers or new names. Peace of mind grows through honest reflection, supportive friendships, and the freedom to be simply, boringly, wonderfully yourself.

The truth is that gender non-conformity will set us all free!

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